III

Wake up, groggy, dry mouth. The sound of Fairytale of New York drifts up from below. Somewhere. What the fuck. It's summer for fucks sake. . . what the fuck. Today I'm going to go to the library, I swear on it. It's going to fucking happen. Trust me. But right now there is a pumpkin at the end of my bed. I don't know how it got there. It's so smooth and orange. Like a carrot, but round. And bulbous. I swing my feet out from beneath the covers and then snap them back so they rest above. The pumpkin is so smooth and orange on my feet. It hugs them with its no arms. It is my friend. I pet it with my feet. It feels nice. The pumpkin makes a creaking noise. "I love you" it creaks (or something to that effect). Fibrous and organic. In its own little way. Things get a bit intense and I leave.

Get out of bed. Walk downstairs. Each step moans under my feet. I wince after each one. I apologise under my breath after each one. “Poor souls” I say after each one. Each one seems to shout out to the next one. "Owww ooooh owww, watch out!" A chain of useless warnings. The guilt is consuming. Maybe I should go back to bed. Today is a bad day. Walk to the bathroom. Brush teeth. Usually 72 brushes. Left. Right. Left. Right. Always a problem knowing when to stop. Left or right? Things are uneven and unbalanced whenever I stop. Only one solution. Don’t think about it. Keep brushing. Right. Left. Right. Left. Okay now this is fucking ridiculous. Throw toothbrush on the floor. I can’t remember whether I stopped on left or right. Problem solved. The toothbrush lies on the floor, looking like a murder weapon, a short white toothpaste stain reaches out for it . . .

Please Mr. Employer Man

... give me a job.

Applying for graduate jobs and work experience is the most tedious thing.
Talk about comprehensive application forms ...

Mr. Jaggers

Brag is a good dog, but Holdfast is a better

The Big Apple

// Empire State // Penn Station // Wall Street // Battery Park // Statue of Liberty // UN Building // Rockerfeller Center // Times Square // New York Stock Exchange // Central Park // Macy's // Ground Zero // One World Trade Center // Metropolitan Museum of Art // 5th Avenue // Radio City Arena // Broadway // St. Patrick's Cathedral // Chrysler Building // Grand Central Station // Union Square // Museum of American History // New York Plaza //

Safe to say it was a hectic 5 days in New York.
Currently in Chatham Cape Cod after a 4 hour train journey to Boston and a car trip through Plymouth.

NY II

8 hours to go now, feeling a bit more excited . . .

NY

I fly out to New York in two days. Why am I not excited? Sigh

Recent Acquisitions

Mos Def - Black on Both Sides

Arcade Fire - Neon Bible

Sigur Ros - Með Suð í Eyrum

Glamorama

After an awful week whereby I have probably just scraped a pass on my french exam, missed a Milton seminar, and missed the deadline for the Milton proceedural essay (with no ideas, no plan, having done no research), for some reason I have decided I need escapism. My mind feels all cloudy. Too much stuff has happenned this term. I just need time to relax and tackle Milton in my own time. Deadlines are not going to work. Anyway, I'm not sure how wise this 'escapism' is. I need to be immersed in work and work ethic - but alas, this is what is keeping me sane -

Hopefully his new novel Imperial Bedrooms is just as good. Luckily for me it comes out the day I go to America.

Leviathan

This week for my Milton class I was set extracts from Hobbes' Leviathan. He writes the sort of things that as a self-indulgent depressive teenager I would have loved. Forgive me for quoting this section - it is so wonderfully, (and not even spuriously) pessimistic. It seems that I haven't completely let go of that part of me...

"Whatsoever therefore is consequent to a time of Warre, where every man is Enemy to every man; the same is consequent to the time, wherin men live without other security, than what their own strength, and their own invention shall furnish them withall. In such condition, there is no place for Industry; because the fruit thereof is uncertain: and consequently no Culture of the Earth; no Navigation, nor use of the commodities that may be imported by Sea; no commodious Building; no instruments of moving, and removing such things as require much force; no Knowledge of the face of the Earth; no account of Time; no Arts; no Letters; no Society; and which is worst of all, continuall feare, and danger of violent death; And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short."

True?

Astronomy

Listening to a lot of new hip hop the last few weeks - Blackstar, Braintax and Army of the Pharaohs. All good stuff.